I stared at the grass underneath my cot as I ungracefully threw up every ounce of Gatorade, water and sports gel in my system. My thoughts were muddled, I could barely talk and no one seemed to know what to do with me and my endless fluids. I had just finished my third marathon and was in the medical tent, unsure of how I got there. Once I came-to and could tell someone that I had Central Diabetes Insipidus caused by a benign brain tumor, a doctor glowered, scolding that me I was to NEVER run again living with this condition.
Turned out I had water intoxication that day from trying to hydrate a perpetually thirsty body, one which was unable to process fluids due to the CDI. I was devastated by the idea that I had limits I couldn’t overcome. I had been so used to the symptoms and suffering caused by the tumor, I never thought to shut the door on possibilities. I chose to train for marathons, pursued several advanced degrees, worked full time, performed as a musician whenever possible and acted “as if” nothing was wrong. While tenacity is a strength of mine, it can also show up as stupidity. I hurt myself by not accepting my body’s message to STOP pushing and accept that it couldn’t do for me what I had hoped. After that race I was completely defeated, discouraged and depressed.
A few months later, my mother introduced me to a Doctor of Osteopath out in Nevada who thought he could help me. Although his method of “reading the body’s energy” made me question his sanity, I was willing to try anything at that point. At my first appointment, I rattled off the list of symptoms I had told doctors for years. He dutifully asked me when symptoms started. I thought a moment and told him about 10 years prior, and then he asked the question that changed my life: “What happened 10 years ago.” Tears began to stream down my face as I recalled significant trauma that I had endured shortly before symptoms started to show. My mind began to race---could there be a connection between my emotional suffering and my physical illness?
The doctor used a combination of energy medicine and emotional healing to address my symptoms. At that first appointment, he utilized his training and expertise to “talk” to my body about healing itself, while asking me to say three simple phrases:
- I am willing to love myself
- I am able to love myself
- I am worthy to love myself
I couldn’t do it. I choked on the very first one and couldn’t go on. He then encouraged me to just start writing those three statements down every day. I really had no idea, and very little faith, how talking to my body and saying a few phrases would get rid of a tumor, but I thought “why not?” After that appointment, I got in the car and started to weep as I realized, for the first time in over a decade, I could swallow without pain from thirst. I was in awe at this small freedom from agony and was stunned that my body and heart already responded to the gentle work.
I won’t outline all the steps of my treatment and healing right now, but I will share that over the course of three months working with energy medicine, healing work around various traumas and a change in diet, all physical symptoms were gone. Fluids were regulated, fatigue melted, headaches stopped and I had a growing sense of worth and hope. Gratefully, the MD who had ordered the original MRI’s agreed to continue to monitor my brain and blood work, only to discover that everything was normal by 6 months. And I have never looked back.
My healing has motivated my current work using therapy, energy medicine and nutrition to assist others on their path to wholeness and healing. Over our lifetimes, we experience suffering in many forms which can tear us down at the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual level. We are such complex, beautiful and integrated beings. If there is only one thing you take from my experience, may it be this: where there is despair, hope can be found; where there is darkness, light can shine through; where there is sadness, joy is waiting to appear.
Last June, I ran my first half marathon. I never gave up hope and hope never gave up on me.
Whatever you are facing at this time in your life, I want you to know that there is always a path to healing and peace in all circumstances. There is always hope.
I would love to hear from you and your dreams for healing, vitality and balance, and I am here to help you discover your best self.
Therapy is a safe space to begin to explore past experiences and patterns and create new pathways towards freedom, balance and hope. Please call (630) 286-0993 for a free consultation about how therapy can unlock your best self.
Healing Touch is a gentle energy medicine that helps the client be in a position to self-heal. Healing Touch can address physical pain or illness, help release emotional blockage or tension, increase mental clarity and deepen spiritual understanding. Please call (630) 286-0993 to learn more about this complimentary method to healing.
Nutrition Counseling can help clarify your body and mind, increasing your sense of vitality and resiliency. Whether you have specific concerns about your relationship with food or habits, or just want to improve your good health, call (630) 286-0993 for a free phone consultation about how to move towards your goals for vitality and balance.